This week, I present you with a humor fic! It's called Here Comes the Snake, and is technically a Snape/Hermione fic, but it's mostly about Snape trying to protect his balls.
It's actually pretty hilarious, and well thought-out. I can tell the author put a lot of thinking into the plot... even though it's not much of a plot.
For those of you who are like me, and cry profusely at a good Snape/Lily story(but love to read them nevertheless), then this story is good comic relief. It's only 2 chapters, so it's not too long, it has enough Snape in it to satisfy your needs, and not too much Snape/Hermione, so you Hardcore Snily Shippers won't feel bad for reading it.
The Link is Property of The Half-Blood Prince: http://www.ashwinder.sycophanthex.com/viewstory.php?sid=5788
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Snape Quote of the Week #2
"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball." -The Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 14
This is from when Snape finds Harry wandering in the hallways, and sees the Marauder's Map, but doesn't know what it is. Now, this quote makes me really mad, because I completely disagree with every one of those statements. While he does have an abnormally large nose, it's awesome(and sexy) and has every right to be in other people's business! And he is definitely NOT an ugly git! They're just jealous of how unconventionally sexy he his. Third, he is far from being an idiot! He's obviously such a genius... I mean, he had to be to invent his own freaking spells! And as for his hair, it's not his fault! He just has naturally greasy hair! I'm sure he takes a shower everyday, but there's nothing he can do about it!
It's also sort of sad, because that was the basis of all of Snape's childhood bullying, so I can't even imagine how mad he felt about that.
Also, Harry later finds out that those were the nicknames of his dad and his friends, so how did he not put it together and realize that Snape was teased by James, Sirius, and Lupin? Did he think Snape must have done something to deserve it? Ugh... either way, that makes me mad.
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball." -The Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 14
This is from when Snape finds Harry wandering in the hallways, and sees the Marauder's Map, but doesn't know what it is. Now, this quote makes me really mad, because I completely disagree with every one of those statements. While he does have an abnormally large nose, it's awesome(and sexy) and has every right to be in other people's business! And he is definitely NOT an ugly git! They're just jealous of how unconventionally sexy he his. Third, he is far from being an idiot! He's obviously such a genius... I mean, he had to be to invent his own freaking spells! And as for his hair, it's not his fault! He just has naturally greasy hair! I'm sure he takes a shower everyday, but there's nothing he can do about it!
It's also sort of sad, because that was the basis of all of Snape's childhood bullying, so I can't even imagine how mad he felt about that.
Also, Harry later finds out that those were the nicknames of his dad and his friends, so how did he not put it together and realize that Snape was teased by James, Sirius, and Lupin? Did he think Snape must have done something to deserve it? Ugh... either way, that makes me mad.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Snape Insults YOU #2
This week, I picked the obvious.
Snape insults Justin Bieber
"I understand, Miss Bieber, that yesterday was your birthday... however, no one cares. How old are you now... seven? I'm afraid- no, actually, I'm quite glad that you must take the Hogwarts Express back to fairyland, along with Diggory, as sparkling in the corridors is quite against the rules. Actually, perhaps you should take up residence in the Forbidden Forest... There are many fairies in there, Miss Bieber. *cough cough*and werewolves*cough cough* You might want to add a couple dragon testicles to that growth potion, Bieber. Your voice could use it. And what kind of haircut is that?! Why don't you let it grow out, so it can be like mine? *hair whip*"
Snape insults Justin Bieber
"I understand, Miss Bieber, that yesterday was your birthday... however, no one cares. How old are you now... seven? I'm afraid- no, actually, I'm quite glad that you must take the Hogwarts Express back to fairyland, along with Diggory, as sparkling in the corridors is quite against the rules. Actually, perhaps you should take up residence in the Forbidden Forest... There are many fairies in there, Miss Bieber. *cough cough*and werewolves*cough cough* You might want to add a couple dragon testicles to that growth potion, Bieber. Your voice could use it. And what kind of haircut is that?! Why don't you let it grow out, so it can be like mine? *hair whip*"
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Snape Video of the Week #2
The Snape Song
This has got to be one of the best videos EVER.
Even though it doesn't rhyme, doesn't have original music, and isn't even really a song, it's the kind of thing you just have to watch over and over again until you memorize it. At least, that's what I did. ^_^
But there's no way you could watch this just once... In fact, I wish they had this on iTunes.
Bottle fame, Bottle fame... Boomslang skin? Bottle fame, Bottle fame... Lacewing flies?
Speaking of which, he shouldn't care about the lacewing flies, because according to Hermione in CS, you can those in the student cupboard.
This has got to be one of the best videos EVER.
Even though it doesn't rhyme, doesn't have original music, and isn't even really a song, it's the kind of thing you just have to watch over and over again until you memorize it. At least, that's what I did. ^_^
But there's no way you could watch this just once... In fact, I wish they had this on iTunes.
Bottle fame, Bottle fame... Boomslang skin? Bottle fame, Bottle fame... Lacewing flies?
Speaking of which, he shouldn't care about the lacewing flies, because according to Hermione in CS, you can those in the student cupboard.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Weekly Snape-ly Event #2
Moviefone blogged this earlier today, and it's EPIC. It might mostly be a video, but it's the closest I could find to anything Snape-related.
I can't directly put the video on here, but here's the link: http://blog.moviefone.com/2011/02/25/alan-rickman-villains-insults/
While he his a sarcastic badass, I must point out that Snape is NOT evil... well, he was. And he still sorta is, but that's just the 'hating James Potter' coming out. The good in him wins in the end...
But seriously, I think J.K. Rowling had Alan Rickman in mind when she wrote about Snape... can you actually imagine anyone else playing him? He already had the 'bad guy that's really just misunderstood' persona, a huge nose, and a voice like cold silk. And I could spend a LOT of time listing all the similarities and references to Snape and Alan Rickman's other characters, but I don't feel like it.
I can't directly put the video on here, but here's the link: http://blog.moviefone.com/2011/02/25/alan-rickman-villains-insults/
While he his a sarcastic badass, I must point out that Snape is NOT evil... well, he was. And he still sorta is, but that's just the 'hating James Potter' coming out. The good in him wins in the end...
But seriously, I think J.K. Rowling had Alan Rickman in mind when she wrote about Snape... can you actually imagine anyone else playing him? He already had the 'bad guy that's really just misunderstood' persona, a huge nose, and a voice like cold silk. And I could spend a LOT of time listing all the similarities and references to Snape and Alan Rickman's other characters, but I don't feel like it.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Snape Picture of the Week #2
I'm pretty sure the picture is from The Half-Blood Prince, when Snape is about to kill Dumbledore. I think it conveys perfectly the emotions he's going through not just then, but all through the series. So sad...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
How To Be Like Snape #2
Facial Expressions
Snape makes a lot of distinct facial expressions, and never ventures out of that realm. If he were to smile, it would disrupt the Space-Time Continuum. Or the Snape-Time Continuum.
Calm
When nothing in particular is bothering Snape, he still looks quite perturbed... because he is. Something's always annoying him, and he's got horrific memories engraved in his mind. Keep your lips pursed, but only slightly. You don't want to look like you're always about to kiss someone. Your brow should be furrowed, but not so much that you really seem mad. Your eyes should be half-closed, but relaxed, not squinted. But even when they're calm, they should be able to strike fear into the hearts of many. They should be cold, and remind you of dark tunnels. Now, Snape is using this expression most of the time, as he hides his true emotions... That is, unless he needs to get a point across. This is his calm face:
Angry
Ahh, my favorite Snape emotion! He's the kind of guy that makes you want to get him angry, because it's sexy. But to the people he's angry at, namely students, it's also quite scary. For Snape to actually show that he's angry and not hide it, he has to be pretty angry. At the least, you should snarl up your lip, but try not to show your teeth. In some instances, anger can coincide with just being extremely annoyed, in which he's still pursing his lips, but sort of sucking inward. It's hard to explain, so here's his extremely annoyed face:
Okay, so I couldn't find a good picture of Snape angry, so I'm using the Sheriff of Nottingham instead. Close enough.
Sad
We hardly ever see this emotion out of him, and I'm glad we don't, because the sight of Snape full of sorrow is absolutely heartbreaking. Obviously, if you're trying to be like Snape, you're never going to show if you're sad in public... unless it's impossible not to. When Snape is sad, or is struck with horrible memories that haunt him, his eyes'll get visibly softer, and he'll relax every muscle on his face, even his lips. This is the farthest it'll go if there are people around, but if it's bad enough and he's alone, it's almost as frightening as seeing him angry. Every muscle on your face would be strained, and your mouth would be contorted into a horrible, agonizing shape. It hurts to describe this, so here's pictures.
Sort-of sad:
He looks so badass... and sexy. But just for fun, here's what he looks like laughing:
Snape makes a lot of distinct facial expressions, and never ventures out of that realm. If he were to smile, it would disrupt the Space-Time Continuum. Or the Snape-Time Continuum.
Calm
When nothing in particular is bothering Snape, he still looks quite perturbed... because he is. Something's always annoying him, and he's got horrific memories engraved in his mind. Keep your lips pursed, but only slightly. You don't want to look like you're always about to kiss someone. Your brow should be furrowed, but not so much that you really seem mad. Your eyes should be half-closed, but relaxed, not squinted. But even when they're calm, they should be able to strike fear into the hearts of many. They should be cold, and remind you of dark tunnels. Now, Snape is using this expression most of the time, as he hides his true emotions... That is, unless he needs to get a point across. This is his calm face:
Angry
Ahh, my favorite Snape emotion! He's the kind of guy that makes you want to get him angry, because it's sexy. But to the people he's angry at, namely students, it's also quite scary. For Snape to actually show that he's angry and not hide it, he has to be pretty angry. At the least, you should snarl up your lip, but try not to show your teeth. In some instances, anger can coincide with just being extremely annoyed, in which he's still pursing his lips, but sort of sucking inward. It's hard to explain, so here's his extremely annoyed face:
Anyway, his scowl is legendary. You only see it when he's really mad, and it's important you get it perfect. Furrow your brow as far as it can go, and force the edges of your bottom lip downward. Your eyes should only be slightly more open than normally, but others need to see the anger in them. They're peircing, scrutinizing, and freaking scary. Also, flare your nostrils.
Sad
We hardly ever see this emotion out of him, and I'm glad we don't, because the sight of Snape full of sorrow is absolutely heartbreaking. Obviously, if you're trying to be like Snape, you're never going to show if you're sad in public... unless it's impossible not to. When Snape is sad, or is struck with horrible memories that haunt him, his eyes'll get visibly softer, and he'll relax every muscle on his face, even his lips. This is the farthest it'll go if there are people around, but if it's bad enough and he's alone, it's almost as frightening as seeing him angry. Every muscle on your face would be strained, and your mouth would be contorted into a horrible, agonizing shape. It hurts to describe this, so here's pictures.
Sort-of sad:
But we've never seen him actually crying, so no picture for that.
Happy
Despite what you may have heard, Snape can be happy... but evilly happy. However, he doesn't express it normally. For him, a smile is unfurrowing his brow and softening his eyes a bit, and pushing his cheekbones outward and upward. But still, your lips are pursed. It feels like you're smiling, but others can't see it. If you feel deliciously evil, you can grin out of one side of your mouth. Snape's grin:
It sort of creeps you out... doesn't it? But remember, he would never actually laugh. He would also never let anyone see a genuine smile... You should never genuinely smile unless thinking of a certain person you're in love with that died... or they could still be alive, whatever.
Okay, and I know you don't choose what face you're born with, but this is a lot easier if you have thickly defined lips and dark eyes... and a huge nose. It just helps. Each and every expression he makes has a much bigger meaning behind it, and it would be impossible to explain it all in one blog. So, I suggest you watch the movies reapeatedly until you've perfected it.
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