How To Be Like Snape #1

Every Saturday, there will be a post with tips on, you guessed it, how to be like Snape. Now, it's not "How to be Snape", because no one but Snape can actually be Snape. You'll just have to try your best to be like him. Each week will have a different aspect of Snape, because you can't teach someone how to be like Snape in one day.

This Week:  Walk like Snape

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk, and Snape walks knowing how people will judge him by it.

1. Your stride
When you walk, take long strides. Make it a point to step as far as possible without looking like you're trying to, but don't try to take too long of a stride. You'll either fall down or just look stupid, and Snape does neither of those things. Just go as far as you can. Your knees should only come up to halfway between where it normally is and your hip when you take a stride. Also, walk as fast as you can without running. If you're in a middle school, highschool, or college, you'll notice that everyone else seems to be taking really small strides and walking slow so they can talk to their friends. Well, Snape doesn't have any friends, so he doesn't do that. If you need to, maneuver around people. Think two steps ahead(pun intended) about where they'll be, and make a quick side-step that'll make you look both psychic and ninja-ish. Make sure your maneuvering steps are long strides as well, and you step to your toes. Stepping to your toes makes it easy to swivel and turn a different way if you need to.

2. Your arms
Don't swing your arms as much as others do; it makes the whole "long and fast strides" thing useless. It makes you look immature and you might hit someone in the face. The arm-shoulder angle shouldn't be any more than your leg-hip angle. However, it is important that you do swing your arms somewhat. If you're wearing a backpack, don't hold onto the straps, and try not to carry anything in your hands when you walk, except maybe a book or the hair of an insolent student. Having empty hands subconsciously makes everyone slightly more intimidated. It sort of gives them the feeling that you could punch or choke them at any second, and that you're willing to. (Trust me, I'm taking psychology. Besides, that's what Snape does!) If you notice someone you particularly hate while walking, don't be afraid to let your fist ball up, in case they might notice. Also, if you're heading toward a door to exit or enter someplace, hold your arm out in front of you to open it a second before you get there, so you don't have to stop.

3. Your posture
When walking, the last thing you want to do if you're trying to be like Snape is hunch over. You need to look confident when you walk, not depressed or insecure. (Well, actually, Snape's extremely depressed, but doesn't show it, obviously... especially not when he's walking!) Keep your torso as straight as possible, and chest in-line with your stomach and hips, instead of outward, like most would tell you. Suck in your gut if you're not thin, because Snape is tall and skinny. That's mainly why it's important to do these things. Don't raise your shoulders, because it's obvious, and it pushes your torso outward. Lastly, make sure not to turn your body to the left slightly when you step to the left, and vice versa. Keep your entire body facing forward when you walk, and step directly in front of where you stepped before(unless you're turning or maneuvering).

4. Your head/face
Like the rest of your body, your head should face forward the entire time you walk, unless you're changing directions. Don't turn to look at others or make eye contact with anyone. You should also keep your head perfectly aligned with your body and not crane your neck. Don't hold your head too high, or you'll look like Narcissa Malfoy, and this isn't a Narcissa blog. I don't even know if that exists. Anyway, retain the same facial expression the entire time you're walking: a scowl. Try not to look too pissed off, because you're not. You're just generally annoyed with all existence, mainly other people. Keep your brow furrowed and your lips pursed. Don't open your mouth unless you see something that particularly disgusts or annoys you, and you feel the need to snarl your lip.(There'll be more on facial expressions in a future HTBLS) Even though you're making it seem like you're not, do pay attention to what's going on around you. If someone starts staring at you, give them an evil glare without stopping, and they'll look away and feel embarrassed. If your hair gets in your eyes or somehow annoys you, jerk your head to flip it. Don't use your hands unless absolutely necessary. That tells everyone, "I'm too busy walking to even bother using my hands to flip my hair, so I'll just make it do exactly what I want with a simple head jerk. Also my hair's awesomer than yours."

All of these combined will put off a very Snape-ish aura. If you do it right, you'll be walking in a way that says, "I'm more important than all of you. You don't matter to me, nor does what you think of me. I hate every single one of you, whether I know you or not, as well as life. But I only care about mine(and possibly a select other few's), and right now my life requires me to go somewhere that I wasn't before. So don't look at me, don't come near me, don't expect me to acknowledge your existence, and don't expect me to care that I just accidentally bumped into you, because it's your fault."

Also, the Snape-style of walking is much more effective with a billowing cape.