Mister Depp, why is it that you cannot contain yourself in a single, sane personality? No, we would not like our hair cut by your deformed scissor-hands. And no, none of us celebrate our "un-birthdays." Nothing at Hogwarts is edible but the food, so would you please stop licking the walls?! And, Mister Depp, in a certain Muggle film, you kill me by repeatedly stabbing my jugular vein and letting me fall down a chute. What gives you the right to kill me? I deserved your wife, and you know it. I deserve all the ladies. 100 points from Gryffindor. Oh, and you as a pirate... it doesn't work for you. You have absolutely no idea how to be a real pirate... Let the expert, ergo me, show you how it's done:
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